Home Depot is the world’s most BORING store!


One of DsquareD’s coworkers gave us a welcome mat as a housewarming gift. I sent her a little note thanking her for the “room-sized area rug”.  That, my friends, is how small our new house is. Well, I may be exaggerating ever so slightly, but it IS small. The gangway/wheelchair ramp that the former owners left is probably half the size of the house! DsquareD had fun sliding down it on Saturday morning after we shoveled the snow, but once we finish remodeling and moving in, it’s going to have to go.

Speaking of childish behavior, DsquareD is just like a little kid in a candy store with this new house project. I haven’t seen him this fired up about anything in years. We signed the paper making the house ours, and received the keys, early Friday morning. Literally, the closing required ONE signature, and we were in and out of there in 10 minutes or less. I highly recommend buying a house with cash and skipping the mortgage, if you can do it. It is the most awesome feeling.

DsquareD had to go to work after the closing, and I decided to wait for him to come home before going over to check out our new purchase. I wanted us to do it together. It ended up being kind of late (and dark) by the time we got over there, so we took along a floor lamp and some folding chairs. Turns out we didn’t need any of it…the former owners had kindly left a rickety folding chair and a decrepit TV tray table and an extremely questionably reupholstered Queen Anne chair, which I have so far refused to sit in. Also, there is plenty of light, overhead lights in every room and a motion-detecting front porch light. They also left an interesting little clock on top of the refrigerator, which looks as if it wouldn’t work, but it ticks LOUDLY and keeps perfect time.

We ended up staying quite awhile. DsquareD had to go up in the attic to thump on rafters and down in the basement to do more of the same, and take copious measurements.  Then we sat down and he thought out loud for at least an hour, while my emotions alternately soared and dipped, as our options went from “we should just torch the place and start afresh” to “or we could just clean it up, slap on a coat of paint, and move right in”.  I’ve learned that DsquareD does his best thinking out loud and I generally try to reign in my despair because I’ve discovered that no matter what problems we’re up against in the physical realm, if they involve anything that requires “handyness”, be it auto mechanicry, electriciany things, plumbing, or building, DsquareD is up to the task. He does a lot of Peeing and Moaning, but I have yet to see him fail! I highly recommend marrying a handy guy, if you can. It makes life so much easier!

Anyway, when we got home to the apartment Friday night, he fired up his TurboCAD program, and was up till 2:00 in the morning designing our new layout. Saturday we sat up in bed till nearly noon refining and discussing our plans, then finally went over to the house where we entertained curious friends and family members all afternoon. Sassy stopped by for awhile and since she will be moving in with us (along with the grandcats), when the renovation is complete, she naturally has a vested interest in our plans. She is also going to have to help with the work, and she is all over the painting and drywalling, but insists she will do NO cleaning, as she is burned out on cleaning from her last job as a maintenance person at a low-income apartment complex in Minneapolis, where apparently defecating in the hallway was an everyday tenant occurrence.

It’s probably just as well, she’s not very good at cleaning anyway. DsquareD is planning on making the little bathroom a showpiece and he told me that Sassy is going to have to keep it looking that way. That’s going to be difficult, as every time she leaves a bathroom, it looks like there’s been an explosion of face powder, blush, and eyeshadow everywhere, and there are mascara streaks on all the towels.

All this remodeling planning has so far necessitated several trips to Menards and Home Depot, and I’ve just about had my fill of it. I can handle looking at showers, sinks and vanities a time or three, but I’ve decided that I don’t have the DIY “gene”. We went to Home Depot on Monday evening and we actually closed the place down. I was ready to leave after five minutes, but DsquareD had to look at tools. I can’t think of anything more excruciating. They had some big sale on and that necessitated him involving some young kid who works there and who is apparently very handy and actually likes using tools, and then a third man got into the mix and the “handy hormones” were flying, and I could barely stand it. I couldn’t go out to the Jeep to wait, because I hadn’t brought a book to read and the seats don’t recline, so I wandered around the front of the store, looking for magazines that didn’t have to do with Remodeling, or Decorating, or DIY. And there was no place to sit down. They need to have a little lounge area for wives. I wanted to just lay down on the floor and sleep. Thank God they announced they were closing and we had to leave. I’m NEVER going back there again. I’d rather have a root canal with a rusty butter knife and no anesthesia.

About mugwumpsworld

I am a 50-something wife and mother of three grown kids. I figure I'm in my third act of life right now, one for which I failed to make a plan. So I'm living every day kind of by the seat of my pants, which can be exciting, but also a little disturbing. The dubious cast of characters who inhabit my world consist of: Mugwump (that's me); my sweet long-suffering redheaded husband, D-squared; my older daughter, Sissy (sometimes known as "The Queen"; my younger daughter, Sassy (aka "the Hypochondriac" or "Magellan", for reasons which you'll learn soon enough); and my stepson, Big JD. My two grandcats, Jasper & Donovan, also put in an occasional appearance, mainly for cuteness' sake.

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